Incongruence

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Some clients expose their weariness of the social tendency to say things just to say them. Insincerity. The words may be polite. They’re acceptable sayings – like a ritual. A way to avoid and keep moving. I suppose we all do it to some degree, but what about in your marriage? Marriage represents the most intimate relationship possible. So, if ritualistic communication is more the norm than healthy connection, if you love and value your spouse, this condition calls for help. When a client protests, “Their words and behaviors don’t match!”, I get their complaint against such incongruence – all the way down to the neurological and cellular level. (Well, sort of – I am not even close to being a neurologist, but I understand some basics.) People experience relational incongruence in their bodies! They feel it when it matters.

Incongruence reminds me of high school geometry. I can still remember that feeling – the thrill! – of writing a geometric proof – outlining the steps of logic based on facts and theorems. (Thank you, Mr. Phillips.) Because certain established facts are true and other proven evidence exists, a reality of truth can be established – such as two angles or two triangles being congruent to each other. The shapes can overlay and match.

Overlay and match? How is your marriage? Do your words and behaviors toward your partner match? In what areas would your partner disagree that they do? Has your partner said in any way, “I am hurting because your words and behaviors do not match.” That is a major bid for attention to your relationship, as Drs. John and Julie Gottman have coined such an interaction. Of course, every couple will have differences between each partner and distinct qualities from other couples. Each partner will also have inconsistencies – of course! (This topic is NOT about normal human inconsistencies.) Here, I am talking about when one or both of you feels (is chronically experiencing) that an existence of “overlay and match” is Not Happening or Not Happening Enough.

Take action to have an ally in the battle. I will tell you the truth and help you find the truths affecting your marriage. I will show you how to repair the incongruencies. And that does not have to take long periods of time to solve. Take it from this proof-seeker, proof-solver. I am not a geometrician nor a neurologist, but I am a Therapist. I will partner with you to get you the support you need. And if I face something with you that I don’t know, I will tell you and help you find what you do need. I invite you: Call 843-874-2131 or email christy@crpmcounseling.com for a brief consultation or to schedule an appointment.